November 2005
9 posts
1 tag
I’m Going as an Over-Stressed Smith Student How about you?
October 2005
12 posts
1 tag
Self-Portrait Sunday Dear ID checker at The Moan and Dove last night, I’d like to begin by telling you that your sweater was absolutely perfect. As if the atmosphere wasn’t early nineties enough, you dressed the part. You reminded me of everything I hoped college would be before I actually experienced it first hand. I dreamed of dark bars, good beer and boys like yourself. Quietly...
1 tag
Blow Pop Long ago I promised you that I would continue my discussion of prostitutes flagging down prospective clients via lollipop consumption. See, I didn’t forget! I would never let you down, kids. Although a Google search isn’t turning up many results, I’m sure my candy theory is true. I can vividly recall a cable special on undercover Florida police stings complete with...
1 tag
Self-Portrait Sunday I think this accurately describes my hangover.
1 tag
Birth Day Click for video.
1 tag
Self-Portrait Sunday
Click for video clip via Vimeo.
1 tag
Parallel Lives Just flash forward twelve years and go here. Unrelated note: I would like to thank the girl who stood next to me in line at the salad bar this evening singing The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music quietly under her breath. You have restored my faith in humanity. ABBA has at last been replaced by the cheerful yodeling of pre-war Austrian youths.
1 tag
Enough Rope Unfortunate things:
I paid $2.60 for and consumed a bad grande soy chai. I’ve had ABBA’s Fernando stuck in my head for the past twenty-four hours. Listening to Dorothy Parker’s voice depressed me.
I’ve been trying to dispel feelings brought about by the pop stylings of Anni-Frid Lyngstad and the poetry of Dotty “too many Chesterfields”...
1 tag
Self-Portait Sunday Click to enlarge.
1 tag
A Moment of Silence, Please If it was just me and the cats, this would have completely pushed me over the edge. Although now I suppose I’m free to start pursuing my dream of becoming a professional Jessica Simpson impersonator. No more wasting money on that pesky Nick escort.
1 tag
Alright, Which One of You Googled Laxative Cocktail? I’m sorry, my dear intestinally troubled reader, that you stumbled upon my blog while looking for answers to much more serious questions than, “how can I curb my marshmallow intake?” and “is it possible to airbrush my third ass cheek out of photos?” Perhaps on your next attempt you should include...
1 tag
Self-Portrait Sunday I strongly identify with Apple Cinnamon What is the back story here? Both Earl Grey and Honey Lemon are deep in thought. I think that Mr. Grey is rethinking his hair gel choice. Perhaps if he hadn’t slapped on so much Dippity-Do Ms. Lemon would have stopped being an anal-retentive bitch and returned his phone calls. I’m not sure why this tea bothers me so much. I...