March 2008
32 posts
February 2008
32 posts
Eau De Estrogen
Elizabeth: Kids are gross and they smell funny too
Elizabeth: I can't describe it, but it's a specific kid smell
Me: Kids smell like a dirty head of hair
Me: But babies smell all powdery like heaven and angels
Elizabeth: You mean like Johnson & Johnson?
Me: Kind of, but with more magic
Elizabeth: You mean uterus?
Me: Yes. Uterus.
Barbie '08
Away Message: Oh God, Barbie for President in 08? http://tinyurl.com/28gxgh
Mona: If Barbie runs for president, who will be her running mate?
Me: GI Joe? The POW one?
Mona: Cobra Commander!
Mona: She might be too busy perpetuating an unrealistic view of women to be our commander and chief.
Drew: Plus she'd have to sit in a wheelchair all the time, weighed down by that heavy rack of hers. Very Franklin Roosevelt. Vintage!
Mona: Maybe she'd bring polio back in style.
Drew: Or at least the polo shirt.
Adventures in Delirious Late Night Jet Lag...
Ian: Was it the guy from Tears for Fears that died of auto-erotic asphyxiation?
Me: I think it was the guy from NOFX.
Ian: You mean INXS?
Me: Same difference.
Ian: This is important. Don't let me forget to Google this in the morning.
Wikipedia: Tears for Fears = No. Frantisek Kotzwara, Vaughn Bodé, Kevin Gilbert, Robin Hanssen, Michael Hutchence (INXS) = Yes.
Stefan: You start putting words in people's mouths and it'll end in some Shakespearean bloodbath.
Muska: Shush, Prospero. You don't got nothing on this Caliban ass.
Stefan: Caliban? thats like Taliban except they're also surfers? That'd be an interesting crossover.
Drew: HA! "Real Terrorists of the OC"
Sticking it to The Man
Clutter makes me break out in hives. Just ask this guy. For years I’ve been scratching my ever-sensitive skin over the remnants of Netflix envelopes that litter the top of the television set, fall behind the DVD player and get stuck in the spokes of that wheezing machine that dares to call itself a vacuum. But no more!
Last night I realized that I can easily stuff the removable parts of...
Young Professionals
Devin: Ha! The snotty clerk at Le Parker was surprised when the twink in the Smallville shirt check into "the biggest room in the hotel."
Me: Just tell him that the dress code is business awesome and you've got the skills to pay the bills.
We Will Shop at Whole Foods and Buy Hybrid Cars
Whitney: I am implementing a new life policy called Sky Down. Everyone will benefit from it.
Me: Does this mean we all have to read Eat Pray Love? And The Secret?
Whitney: How did you know?
Whitney: Also: The Tao of Pooh, The Red Tent and Tuesdays with Morrie.
Me: Book club!
Three Things I Learned from Daytime Television
If you are suspicious enough of your significant other to contact the producers of Cheaters, your significant other is most definitely cheating on you.
All meteorologists seem a little off to me. In a way I can’t seem to place. This makes me nervous.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck is about ninety five cents short of a dollar.
My Job Can Be Awesome
I am currently suffering from a plague-like illness and am doing some work from home today. I just sent out the following message to a coworker regarding my blog post for tomorrow:
I’ll be posting tomorrow morning when I get into the office. If you need a few links for copy, the list includes an old commercial for TAB soda, a chicken that lays green eggs and DIY cardboard animal busts. ...
3 Ways
1. We are sitting with friends in the empty auditorium after school, listening to tinny music on shared headphones. We are waiting for our mothers to pick us up in their respective four doors. We hold hands. Someone jokes about how much you love me and I dismiss it. You look hurt and say softly, head down, “of course I do.”
2. I am hiding under my covers, breathing in the same warm air over and...
