March 2008
32 posts
Svelte
Kirida: There's a chance that we'll be going to St. Louis for a family reunion
Kirida: So now I have to be super skinny without the use of meth
Me: Pressure! If not meth, perhaps cocaine?
Kirida: Too expensive. I want the metabolism of an eight-year old boy
Kirida: Or a grassland Savannah cheetah
Me: Oh! Good choice
Kirida: They have almost no body fat! And they are fast!
Me: Good for those potato sack races
Kirida: But not so good for three-legged races. Too competitive
Update: Voicemail from Mom
“One of my favorite things about these emails is how they’ll be talking about something totally weird and then all of a sudden it’s, ‘Okay, bye, have a great day! Love ya!’ But like… moms on Craigslist. DANGEROUS.”
- doree, in response to postcardsfromyomomma
My mother is now officially a part of the World Wide Web. This is a big step for a woman who a...
Grub
Whitney: he texted me last night about how the Beard Award nominations are bullshit. Ha!
Me: oh God, if M. does come to dinner on Saturday, I will not feel proud of my 30 Minute Shepherd's Pie ala Rachel Ray.
Me: even if the Beard nominations are bullshit.
Voicemail from Mom
Hi Sweetie Pie - I thought maybe you’d answer your phone but that’s fine maybe you’re busy. I just heard something about a baby for sale for $1000 on craigslist. So, I was just wondering, you might want to check on that if you have a minute. Somebody doesn’t know if its a joke or if it’s real but anyway it was on Craigslist I guess today. Baby for sale $1000. Pretty crazy, huh? Well, I love you...
dzandone: Passed a bodega advertising a 'phon rcd'... →
One in a Million
I was rushing to catch the 55 bus home from downtown yesterday evening when a man walking next to me ashed his cigarette. In a split second, two things occurred, the first being me opening my mouth, the second being me taking a big breath in. Before I had the chance to grasp what was going on, my throat was filled with a toxic smokey taste, as if I’d just taken a big whiff from the hot end...
PDX Tumblr Meet Up? Yes, Please
dalasverdugo: Reblog this if you think we should have a Portland Tumblr meetup. I’m wondering how many of us there are.
Seattle loves Portland.
Perhaps a Northwest meetup is in order?
Nothing But a Glorified Foot Stool
Co-Worker 1: All these bastards on Craigslist are under the assumption that they should sell their chair with their ottoman. I just want a mother fucking ottoman!
Co-Worker 2: Someone should start a store called the Ottoman Empire and solve this problem. Stat.
I Did Have Mix 'n' Match Tops, Though
Austin: My childhood was painfully lacking in ruffled socks
Me: I had tights. Loads of tights
Austin: and leggings
Me: and stirrup pants!
Austin: In velour and in all shapes and sizes
Me: I had no velour, sadly
Austin: We can't win them all, dearest
And Peace is Again Restored to the Universe
Just in case you’re wondering, ye olde Hamster Dance page, circa 1998, is still up and running over at http://www.webhamster.com. I sincerely believe that if I stared at those furry twirling GIFs long enough I would be transported back into the body of my fourteen year old self. Hello, svelte figure and choker necklace, I’ve missed you.
Stay Golden
Me: I could just go ahead and prep dinner now, but I have to *blanch* the asparagus first and I'm really not in the mood.
pause
Ian: You do realize that I just stood here for two minutes trying to turn that into a Golden Girls joke?
Lovely Weather We're Having
1. You fly into the city that never snows the day after an ice storm. The two of you thought you were being so smart, packing a single suitcase. Now that the airline has lost your luggage you don’t feel clever at all. The city has nearly shut down, cold and cracking. On the fourth day of watching you wash your underwear out in the sink, he suggests that you venture outside. You borrow your...
Fingers on the Pulse
Fred: You are truly a student of the Internet.
dzandone: Little boy on the bus is proudly... →
Red Tide: Top Two Lady-Function Code Names
Vagina - Petula Clark (you know, because it’s Downtown)
Mentstruation - Shark Week
