April 2009
33 posts
Life lessons: Febreze air freshener does not quite work like original Febreze when sprayed on clothes.
March 2009
37 posts
“No matter what is wrong in life, just keep your hands on the home keys”
– Muska’s good advice.
Closing all of my credit cards feels liberating. Check in with me in a month, when I’ll be live-blogging from a mud hut in the wild. Retro!
Sealing Farts > Anne Geddes
Mona: I want to write this about Nathan: "He loves his farts so much that if he had the motor skills, he would cup it in his hands until he found a mason jar to seal it in"
Me: hahahahaha
Mona: do you think it crosses the line? I'm trying to write about how much Nathan acts like [his dad].
Me: I have no idea, but I think that Nathan is the man & it's awesome that you get a kick out of your kid
Me: if people take offense, it is because they are wimpy mommy chick lit weirdos & you are too awesome for them
Me: sealing farts > Anne Geddes
Mona: that's what Anne Geddes is really missing. Forget this flower petal/dressing like a lion/babies cupped in hands
Mona: SEALING FARTS 2009 CALENDAR
Watching Twilight OnDemand with Whit: “the only thing worse than being a teen vampire is being a vampire foster kid”.
Just when I thought I was recession-proof the big layoffs arrive. Funemployment, here I come. Internet! Help!
Spring Break Party Bus 2009: Mom Edition
After sending my mother a message to her work address, I receive and out of office reply reading:
Hello,
I am out of the office, and will return Thursday, March 26th. Thank you for your patience.
Take care,
M
A rapid-fire montage flies through my brain space in which my parents have skipped town without alerting me and are currently on a wild journey to distant lands. I picture her sitting...
I worry that my outfit choice of dark jeans & black sweater with plaid Keds leaves me somewhere between Hot Topic circa 1999 & stage crew.
“Capri pants. What you’re aiming for: Audrey Hepburn. What you’ll...”
– meowrey via twitter
Thank you, dear lady, for summarizing exactly what I’ve been feeling on a day-to-day basis for the past two weeks. Life is one huge cankle right now. A cankle of hurt. Hopefully I’ll be back to my cheery Laura Petrie self shortly.
Trading Humanity for Hipness
We suspect the tight sleeves of your Thom Browne suit might be cutting off blood flow to the part of your brain that controls your bearability. For a nice change and improved circulation, try wearing a tennis sweater or a capelet.
J. Cruel
Things I Occasionally Imagine Against My Will
Being kidnapped and then tortured by my captors with paper cuts all over my body, specifically between my fingers and toes.
Vomiting while riding public transportation.
Ghosts hanging out in the living room, waiting for me to get up in the middle of the night to pee.
Something sneaking up behind me while I’m rendered helpless, washing my face.
Dying alone after installing a light bulb...
My mother just called to alert me that Larry King is on, talking to Robin Givens about “that umbrella girl”
Chocolate flavored candies rarely write checks they can cash.
Pick Up: Glitter, Frosting, Woolite, Dignity
Thoughts after browsing laist’s gallery of the life-size Barbie dream house unveiled for the doll’s 50th birthday:
The hair chandelier was a bad idea.
Looks like Bobby Trendy’s handiwork
Melissa Joan Hart looks more than a little rough around the edges.
I dislike licorice, but those Now & Laters would look great displayed in bulk on my telephone stand. Minus everything...
The bar at the Red Lion hotel is called Tuxedo Charlie’s & we appear to have arrived during an adult industry convention.
“Brick” is playing at Tully’s while I wait for my train to Portland. No one told me I was starring in my own sad movie circa 2002. Save me.
As the hard hammer of my flu comes crashing down, at least I can take solace in the fact that TLC has some great extreme medical shows on.