Abandoned Posts

2003

You can’t die alone if someone’s always hanging around.

Putting the Pant in Pants

2004

“At some point you just realize it’s time to be out with all this grassroots hippie shit and in with the yuppie shit”  - my mother’s wisdom

I just popped one of my acrylic nails off while picking TJ’s Oriental Cracker Mix from my molar. All class.

2005

A boxer without a boxing ring is just a guy punching people.

“Choose your attitude” is not a concept that is readily available to him. Just as “let it go” does not enter anywhere into my psyche. I’m in trouble.

Lesbian Pie Eating Party

2006

Combined with the fact that I just ate a sandwich containing about five eggs, I’m highly proteined and soon to be belching the most unpleasant burps ever.

Smack: The Intravenous Drug Improv Show

2007

Self-Sabotaging Sad Girls: Made Bed, Now Must Lie in it with Cats

Conspiracy theory: Alli & birth control pills as a covert way of turning women into infantile versions of themselves, overly emotional and prone to shitting their pants.