In Which I Mix My Metaphors

The above photo encapsulates how I felt for the duration of 2009. That “woe is me standing by the side of the sandy road on my WB teen melodrama” self loathing was something I couldn’t shake. It was just Ugly Cry Dawson and the Universe throwing surprise pitty parties for yours truly.

The first half of 2009 was the Great Crumbling, in which my delicately balanced life abruptly gave way, job, relationship & all. The second half of the year was spent making sense of what had transpired. I do not do well with change. If someone had projected my reaction to the events of 2009 I would have put money on a future debut as the first dual Intervention/Hoarders A&E special. Like the time the Flinstones met the Jetsons but more Greek. And tragic. And not at all like the time the Flinstones met the Jetsons.

Prior to the Great Crumbling I prided myself in the rickety spice rack of adulthood I had nailed together in the imaginary shop class of post-collegiate life. I had a commute, a robust Internet connection, a mountain of debt, and a boyfriend who was mean to me a lot. Unemployment gave me a leave of absence from responsibility at the precise mid-section of my twenties. I abruptly had no one to take care of but myself. Gone were the days of being the only half of a relationship that had an apartment. Health insurance. A job that didn’t pay by the hour.

I mapped out what I wanted from what I no longer had. Most days I found myself halfway between Eat Pray Love and a Cathy comic. Aaack. I gave it time. There is no budget for brand standards in a period of great transition.

Two weeks ago I drank a gigantic bowl of tea with one of my favorite people in the world and drafted a plan of attack for 2010: Do It Anyway. I have no idea what the next few months will bring, but I’m pretty excited to push myself forward and find out.

For now I’m no longer in a state where I can consistently match my emotions to the characters of Dawson’s Creek and I think that’s a pretty good place to be.