Weekend Abroad
Into the wild, wild waters of the Five College area

Notorious CHO in full effect

Last night the ladies and I hopped on the PVTA and headed towards Amherst to see Margaret Cho live. Let it be said that I am a ridiculous Cho fan and I was happy to see that SmithCollege was representing in a big way. In fact, we nearly outnumbered the Amherst students hosting the event.

Waiting in line with my recording device. These signs would be appropriate if posted outside of my room. Expect a pat-down? Is that a promise?

I never seem notice just how different Smith is from other colleges until the outside world appears to inappropriately grab my ass. After the show, we shared a bus ride back to campus with a plethora of drunk Umass kids. I felt as if my entire body had been rubbed down by a creepy frat boy. There must have been at least sixty co-eds, all sporting homemade togas. People, it was fifty degrees outside last night. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking toga parties, drinking, or half-naked girls. In the past, I have experienced and enjoyed all of these things. It’s just that after an evening of queer-friendly comedy and quiet sophistication, I wasn’t expecting to be assaulted by Animal House.

Although the camera phone works well in sneaky situations, it’s not really doing justice to the elaborate togas here. Check out Caesar smiling, top center. Also, notice the scared Smithie, bottom left.

It was as if Umass was sliding it’s silky member right through the virginal cheeks of Smith.

PC vs. Mac Global Responsibility Debate (wherein my capitalist id pounds my conscience up the bum)

Over the past year or so, it has become horribly clear that I need to make the transition from PC to Mac. I’ve been putting it off, mainly because I have no extra funds. I work a total of ten hours a week at $7.75/hr. Sometimes I make extra cash by taking care of other people’s children. Everything else is covered by student loans. If it weren’t for Smith, I’d be living la vida homeless in a big way. Back to the problem at hand: I’ve been getting by using the college’s software and pretending that I like trekking back and forth to the lab in the wee hours of the morning. I don’t. I really, really don’t. Here’s the part where I drop it all hippy and feel guilty for wanting things that I don’t need. But I want it! Gimme! Pronto!

A Peek Into the Future

This afternoon Gokay and I traveled far and wide to gather supplies to see us through finals week. Our adventures led us to Wal-Mart (yes, I know I’m going to hell) where massive quantities of seltzer, disposable razors and mixed nuts were purchased. While waiting in the checkout line, we spotted a CCL in the aisle next to us. On her conveyor belt: a dozen or so cans of Fancy Feast, a bag of dry cat food and paper towels. I’m assuming that the paper towels were for soaking up her many CCL tears. Or to pick up after her many cats. Or to smack me in the face with for assuming that all women past a certain age are single, feline-obsessed and most definitely living my future. Hey, it’s either that or this. I cannot believe homegirl faked her own kidnapping in order to get out of her wedding. Let me be the first to say that commitment can do awful things to people, but I love it, love it, love it.

Please Internet Stalk Me

Earlier this week I received a fan message via MySpace. It’s reassuring to know that there are others out there that practice the fine art of Play Stalking (PS). As many of you know, I’m a PS pro. The key to PS is never letting your object of desire find out you’re tracking their every move. I’ve got the skills, but I can’t keep a secret for too long. While my PS adventures are mostly confined to the internet these days, I have fond memories of the weekend road trips and prank phone calls of years past. Tracking IP addresses in the wee hours of the morning? Creepy. Driving past an ex-boyfriend’s house once a week with your headlights turned off? Priceless.

More Thoughts on Rimming

There are currently 3 confirmed cases of pinworm on campus. Granted, these people are far, far away from me and are taking antibiotics to cure the devil’s itch. However, as an OCD lunatic, the possibility of having worms living in my intestinal tract makes me want to perform emergency surgery. The ladies and I have started to refer to the little bastards as “P-Worms”. Moral of the story: no rimming for me until I get out of Northampton. At least no Smithies. But don’t worry fellas, my bum is 100% Grade-A Worm Free.