One More Salute to Vanity

Harold & Maude Go To White Castle

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:41:33 -0800

Do The Duggars begin their childrens’ names with J because of Jesus?
Guadalupe the hippo, of the Woodland Park Zoo, weighs 3,285 pounds.
Is Ruth Gordon as Maude in Harold & Maude the original embodiment of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl?
This law enforcement composite sketch of Jane Eyre’s Mr. Rochester is turning me on.
Ben Aflac, Ben Aflac, Ben Aflac.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - Bill Cosby The chances...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:04:48 -0800

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - Bill Cosby

The chances of this existing and being authentic (it is) are so small that it gives me a certain kind of hope. If Bill Cosby can cover The Beatles live with such mumbling gusto then anything is possible. Anything.

My outfit may have looked like Ina Garten for Filene’s...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:50:45 -0800

My outfit may have looked like Ina Garten for Filene’s Basement all day, but my nails were giving them the business lady special, you can be sure.

Sold out of exclamation points.

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:48:03 -0800

Sold out of exclamation points.

If this website had a Testimonials section, I’d tack this...

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 10:51:31 -0800

If this website had a Testimonials section, I’d tack this up there.

Hipster Rapture. Bejeweled fanny pack hats are not welcome in...

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:41:00 -0800

Hipster Rapture. Bejeweled fanny pack hats are not welcome in the new kingdom.

Some jerk of a salmon told Lydia the sea cow that her seaweed...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 23:01:46 -0800

Some jerk of a salmon told Lydia the sea cow that her seaweed laurel made her look like Medusa and now she’s not sure if she wants to wear it anymore.

- Animals Drawn Poorly With Lasers Shooting Out of Their Eyes

Self portrait.

Hey nerds, I found your banana hanger.

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:19:27 -0800

Hey nerds, I found your banana hanger.

I first heard Etta James while buckled into my aunt’s...

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 10:42:11 -0800

I first heard Etta James while buckled into my aunt’s truck during a particularly cold Seattle winter. The heat blasted as I struggled to stay awake. I was 6. NPR was playing. Saturday night jazz. Her voice was beautiful, but I couldn’t understand why she was repeating “battleaxe” over and over again. The song was At Last.

In 10th grade Laura Saffioti gave me Etta James’ greatest hits for Valentine’s Day. She just understands, she explained, sitting on the dirty carpet of the theater building lobby, looking out on The Wall, where the objects of our affection wore wallet chains and pushed their greasy hair out of their eyes.

I moved across the country and into my first apartment after college graduation. It was essentially a barn with no kitchen, 20 foot ceilings, and no door to the bathroom. It did, however, have a blue clawfoot bathtub. I would get home from a long day of feeling entirely inadequate and put I’d Rather Go Blind on loop while sitting in the tub. She always understood.

Auto-Lullaby

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 23:08:57 -0800

Think of a sheep
knitting a sweater;
think of your life
getting better and better.

Think of your cat
asleep in a tree;
think of that spot
where you once skinned your knee.

Think of a bird
that stands in your palm.
Try to remember
the Twenty-first Psalm.

Think of a big pink horse
galloping south;
think of a fly, and
close your mouth.

If you feel thirsty, then
drink from your cup.
The birds will keep singing
until they wake up.

By Franz Wright

My goals are simple: I want true love, a dog, a baby, and to...

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 17:04:03 -0800

My goals are simple: I want true love, a dog, a baby, and to write a book that’s featured on a table at Urban Outfitters during the holidays.

And these nails, obviously.

"We are not shady, just fierce."

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:52:40 -0800

“We are not shady, just fierce.”

- Paris Is Burning is streaming on Netflix.

Drinking with the devil.

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 17:21:08 -0800

Drinking with the devil.

Important news from the week.

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 11:53:01 -0800

Important news from the week.

These dogs have been scamming us for years. MNN.com...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:25:22 -0800

These dogs have been scamming us for years. MNN.com (that’s the Mother Nature Network, by the way, and I have no idea how I wound up there) does some hard-hitting reporting and blows the lid right off of selfish walkaholics.

P.S. For all its faults, MNN did redeem itself by pointing me towards a video of otters chasing butterflies.

Remember the day I realized I could mix and match Sally Hansen...

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:54:57 -0800

Remember the day I realized I could mix and match Sally Hansen Salon Effects?

In Which This is A Metaphor for Something, Right?

Sun, 08 Jan 2012 23:05:25 -0800

Fact: Before it got the name Seattle in late 1852, the city was known as Duwamps.

Song

Sat, 07 Jan 2012 18:40:58 -0800

I am stuck in traffic in a taxicab
which is typical
and not just of modern life

mud clambers up the trellis of my nerves
must lovers of Eros end up with Venus
muss es sein? es muss nicht sein, I tell you

how I hate disease, it’s like worrying
that comes true
and it simply must not be able to happen

in a world where you are possible
my love
nothing can go wrong for us, tell me

— Frank O’Hara, 1960

Fears Upon Impending Cohabitation

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:12:00 -0800

The building we are touring does not appear on Google Street View. Instead, there is a photo of a large pit under construction. If we move there, we will cease to exist. Our photos will begin to fade ala Marty McFly.
Ghosts. Any.
We will absorb the depressed, alcoholic vibe of the modern one-bedroom with the stained white carpeting. Vertical blinds that conceal the tiniest of balconies covered in black Seattle mold. Perhaps a rusted hibachi.

Well, that about sums it up.

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 22:58:23 -0800

Well, that about sums it up.