Whitney: his name is BRAD.

Me: IF MY BRAIN WAS A DOG BRAD WOULD BE MY BRAIN.

Someone please go adopt this dog.

Screenshots From Last Night

Just another evening spent searching for discontinued temporary tooth jewels on EBay. Not pictured: the message I sent to the seller to confirm that there are, in fact, English instructions and removal gel included. I feel that both would be tools when gluing Turkish “teeth stones” to my pearly whites.

I came home from Easter dinner to these new friends. My roommate drew a menagerie of simple-yet-festive animals on balloons in anticipation of my birthday tomorrow.

My favorite is the generic mammal, middle left.

It’s been rolling slowly up behind you. A teal shadow licking at the backs of your heels.

You always knew you’d die of kitsch.

You knew you’d be punished for collecting photos of Gypsy wagons and refurbished Airstream trailers. For squirreling away pastel color palettes and whimsical wedding photography.

The milk-glass cake stands. The Gerber daisies. The exposed vintage bulb hanging like a delicate but sturdy beacon above the matte white counter.

A professor of yours once summarized the most frightening short story she had ever read:

In the end, the woman who was afraid of everything bolts the bedroom door behind herself in relief, finally secure from the rest of the world. Then, from nothing, out of nowhere, she hears a chorus of voices in the darkness, ‘oh, there you are.’

Who wouldn’t wake one day, legs imprinted with the rough weave of your lawn chair, wrapped in nothing but a vintage half-apron for a blanket, the constant sugar headache taking hold, and hope for something more?

Yes, you think, something is missing. Perhaps a chalkboard wall?

These little kittens were given to me by a lovely gentleman. They greet me each morning when I arrive at my desk.

I can’t recommend purchasing a few for yourself more highly.

"When everyone has easy access to their favorite diversions and every diversion comes with a rabbit hole’s worth of extra features and deleted scenes and hidden hacks to tumble down and never emerge from, then we’re all just adding to an ever-swelling, soon-to-erupt volcano of trivia, re-contextualized and forever rebooted. We’re on the brink of Etewaf: Everything That Ever Was—Available Forever."

Patton Oswalt (in Wired)

(Source: camplittlewolf)

First person to bring me this porcelain charcoal toothpaste container wins the Internet.

(via The Dieline)

Items of note Whitney has hand picked for me in the last hour

1. The Horoscope Cookbook, for eating your feelings.
2. Narwhal & Uni print, the 404 screen in my brain.
3. Potluck-Pioneer Recipes, because I need more dairy-based salads in my life.
4. George the Terrier, because as long as Hoarders is on air, I won’t die of kitsch.

If requesting an $89 Best Made first aid kit for Christmas is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver, Wild Geese